Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Scenic Route (2014), Tribulations of Bromance, and Hoes Before Bros

Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time searching for love and lust in life. We break our hearts on the altar of this demand. This compulsion to connect and reproduce. We track down that special someone and get them ringed. Wrapping our whole existence in the other. Wrapping tax codes, self-esteem and sanity up in marriage. But what does this all amount to? Living the dream we are brainwashed to love? Of what use are all these emotional and economic rituals? Scenic Route is a film that explores the void between romance and bromance. Should we live our life chasing our dreams or settle for what the world grinds us out to be?

Carter and Mitchel have set out on a road trip. Carter the more rebellious of the two is hoping the trip can revitalize their fading bromance, but Mitchel has spent the trip despondent or sleeping. Drastic measures are in order, so Carter hatches a plan to feign that the car has broken down. Ideally this would leave the Mitchel with no other opportunity than to fully commit to the bromance. But when a driver passes them offering assistance, Carter spills the spleens letting Mitchel in on his game. Mitchel rages out and Carter gives him an earful about the man he used to be and how he would have never settle for the kind of wife that he ended up with. After trading insults and breaking each other’s face the two men cuddle in a fox hole covering them self in the sand to wait out the cold desert night.

Standard buddy comedy. Two dudes start out liking each other. Something intervenes to destroy the relationship, the men head butt each other, cry it out and come to terms with the void between each other. Yet, Scenic Route deviates from this script by leaving it us without firm ground by the end. Rescued the two men return re-bonded as if they spent the week at a spa rather than beating the shit out of each other. Carter moves into a guest house and finds out that Michel's wife isn't the bore that both of them made her out to be. In the last moments of the film, Mitchel is violently stirred awake and calls Carter to express his worry that the two men may just be dreaming and are really still in the dessert dying. Carters retorts by asking Mitchel if it is harder to believe that everything worked out for the best rather than for the worst only reinforces the conformity to self-compromise. Remember that early in the film when the two men are re-bonding, Mitchel confesses that monthly he is tired awake by the feeling that he has failed on his dreams and that all that he has achieved is meaningless. Is this not also true for the all too easy happy where the two men who have become violently estranged fall in love with each other again only after they have tried to kill each other?

What is must masculinity be if even defending one's false dignity puts one on the verge of killing your best friend? How fragile is the meaning in one's life if it cannot withstand the most basic of criticism?

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Dear Zombies - This Dude Is Back.... Let the Horror Drip From The Ceiling

Long story short - this horror blogger been in the process of acclimating to a job in the big cold and windy city of Chicago. The pay checks are rolling in but I did not have access to horror films or my computer for most of the last month. Boring I know. Luckily over the last week I have been moving into a new horror crib and getting myself ready for adult life. This weekend I moved into my apartment. I'm just a futon on the floor and a large stack of blu rays filled with blood and guts.

I look forward to getting back into writing. When this will be exactly is to be determined. I don't have a desk and my next weekend is going to be another pair of days moving heavy boxes. Look out for a post next-next weekend.

I'm sure you punks will find this conundrum entertaining. I have a set of severed limbs that I picked up on clearance when I worked a Halloween at a Halloween store. I can't seem to find a place in my apartment to put them. Sadly I don't have any furniture that goes with dismemberment. Har! Har! Har!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Dear Zombies - Wage Slavery and Poor excuses.

I tell you what, commuting to Chicago is exhausting. I'm losing about 3 hours of my day to traffic. I don't see this calming down until I can move into the city. I haven't been watching much horror this week. I did finally burn through the first season of House of Cards. Great to see some Machiavellianism in action! Didn't catch any horror and was too exhausted to write. I expected to write something this weekend. But the best-laid plans got destroyed by poor planning. On to next week, and figuring out a strategy for writing now that I am working.

I'm going to shoot for a write up next weekend.

Are you watching anything scary?

Sunday, October 19, 2014

10.19.2014 - Got a Job - Blogging

Dear Zombies,

Yay! Halloween is  11 days 6 hours and 33 minutes away! What are you doing for Halloween? I’m too poor for plans this year. Although, everything is changing tomorrow. I am embarking on my first day of wage slavery. That’s right this punk found a job. After over 200 applications and 25 interviews I finally found someone to cut me a check. Tomorrow I start. I will be doing mental health social work in Chicago. Should be fun.  Next week is mostly training and paperwork. At some point over the next couple months I plan on moving to the city. As you might have guess this will impact the blog. I expect to post irregularly for the next month until I get I develop a good flow with working. We shall see.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Chainsaw Exorcism with Mick Ridgewell about his Horror Novels The Nightcrawler and Evil Never Dies

Earlier on in the week, I interviewed author Mick Ridgewell about his horror novels The Nightcrawler and Evil Never Dies. Be sure to say hello on twitter!

Tell me about yourself and your writing?

I first started writing about 10 years ago. I got an idea for a story and proceeded to write 2 pages of utter crap. I decided then and there that writing should be left to those who know how to write. Some time after that I stumbled on Stephen King's On Writing-A Memoir of the Craft. While reading it the idea for The Nightcrawler, my first completed novel came to me. I decided to try again and 2 years later I had a completed draft of my first book. After 6 years of rejections, and many iterations The Nightcrawler released May 2012. Since then I have had Evil Never Dies release Apr. 2014 and the sequel, Evil Unleashed is scheduled for release Dec. 2014.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Chainsaw Exorcism with Lee Majdoub From See No Evil II

Earlier on in the week, I interviewed Lee Majdoub who started in recently released slasher flick See No Evil 2. Follow up to the WWE production of the same name.  

I wanted to start by thanking you for providing your time for this interview. Could you tell us why you got into the movie making business?

No problem! Thanks for having me.
I was always artistic. Acting was something I had always been drawn to, but I don’t think I was conscious of it when I was younger. I was going through a rough patch, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and my sister pushed me to take some acting classes while I was studying engineering in college. I did that, and then got hooked.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

HBG: Halloween Blog Carnival - Great American Nightmare Review

I attended Rob Zombie’s The Great American Nightmare last night. The demented trio of haunted house each based off its respective film; Lords of Salem, The Haunted World of El Superbesto, and House of 1000 corpses. I (and my friend) opted for the 36$ ticket which included a tee-shirt and shorter lines. I am also submitting this post as my entry in the Horror Bloggers Guild's Halloween Blog Carnival. Happy Halloween! May you get more tricks then treats this year!

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Saw IV (2007), John Carpenter Vs. Rob Zombie, and How Over-contextualizing Kills The Scary Movie

Is Jigsaw not the Jesus of Slashers? The vast majority of previous Slashers required either their own physical embodiment or someone else to don the mask. It always struck me as odd that Jason Vorhees only received his ski mask in the third film. The previous two films used a potato sack with a hole. Of course, we know that capitalism is responsible for what happens next. How could they have marketed a potato sack like a hockey mask? The visage of the Slasher is the motif that solidifies his character and market share. Freddy is an incredible example of how market can’t turn the representation of the most heinous repression of evil into a knickknack. Is there not something odd about the bobble head of a child molester occupying the dashboard of a soccer mom’s minivan? Even Scream, which shares similarities with Saw, used the Ghost face mask to instill a continued market presence, terrorize teens and maintain hegemony to the notion of Ghostface. All the while the Ghostface gave credence to the killer’s re-inhabitation, and the anonymity required to unify conspirators under one convoluted murder scheme.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Horror Movie Survival Kit - Sponsored by Man Crates Gifts For Men!

I was contacted by the burly dudes at Man Crates Gifts For Men who create the testosteroned version of gift baskets. Gone are the easy to open cardboard boxes, wrapping and girlie ribbons, Man Crates are a present you have to unwrap with a crowbar while grunting like a lumberjack. Ahhhhhhh! Luckily the Man Crates asked this dude, the only feminist horror blogger on the internet, what I might put in my crate to survive a horror movie.

Horror films have plenty of dangers, and each sub-genre presents its own unique problems. You wouldn’t pack the same stuff to survive a zombie holocaust as you would for an exorcism or alien abduction. A Bible and Holy Water will be no help to you when you are being anally probed. Always the Boy Scout, I think the best thing to do is plan for several scenarios; the 80’s Slasher, Zombie, and Post-9/11 horror movies

Uni-Trans-Gender 80’s Slasher Survival Kit
1. Artificial Hymen Repair Kit
2. Purple Eye Shadow
3. Red High Heals
4. Blue Wig
5. Green Lipstick
6. All In One Breast forms and bra
7. Mascara
8. Spanks
9. Scandalous Jewelry
10. Scissors
11. A Spiffy Suit
12. A Snazzy Tie
13. Duct Tape
14. Testostarone and Estrogene Supplements
The 80’s Slasher movies are notorious for upholding conservative values. Those who drink, drug, and sex get dead. The only one that survives is the morally pure i.e. the Final Girl. The way I figure it the best way to survive an 80’s Slasher is by dressing in Drag. Have you ever seen cross dressers die in a horror movie? Didn’t think so.

Marxist Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit
1. Mao Zedong’s Little Red Book
2. Art of War
3. Comfortable pillow
I have no illusions about the Zombie apocalypse it is going to be bad, real bad. If the zombies don’t get us the religious fanatics will and the totalitarians will. The best way to survive is to keep things light, and adapt to your environment. Rather than pack my crate with a bunch of stuff I’m probably going to acquire along the journey anyway, I think it would be best to have the knowledge base for insurgent warfare. Rather than think about how I survive, rather, first and foremost how do I use my environment to my advantage. The Art of War and Mao’s little red book short texts that tackle the subject of using the enemy to your advantage. How do we use the zombies against our enemy, steal their resources, and crush them when they are weak? Mao has answers.

Post-911 Horror Survival Kit
1. Hockey Mask
2. Machete
3. Blue Coveralls
4. Steel Toed Boots
The only way you are going to survive the Post/11 horror movie is if you are the monster. Rather than falling into victimhood and accepting my role as a survivor, I’d don a mask and get to the slashing. Because even if some crafty teenager chops off my head, the movie business will come up with some convoluted rationale to remake and reimaging me back to life.

What manly stuff is in your Survival Crate? 

Saw III (2006), Submission to Choice and Does Jigsaw's Game Create Learned Powerlessness?

What would the work look like if we all played by Jigsaws rules? Would we all be cutthroat murders quick to stab our competition in order to survive or overcome our depression, addictions, and poor character? Or would we be like the Stoics, unaffected by travesty, unresponsive to life’s traumas? Let’s saw in to Jigsaw's rationale. Something is terribly wrong with our individual subject experience, due to the easy in which we live our life, when tragedy strikes we mentally shut down and become hopeless. Our wife cheats on us, or our children die, or we over eat and succumb to fatalism. Or as Paul Goodman we have been infected by the ‘nothing can be done disease.” Is our culture predisposed to learned helplessness? Are we all to trained as cogs for the status quo so that when the teeth on our cog break, we go on spinning as if nothing was wrong.